New year, new you?

by Kidd Rapinet on January 18, 2019

For many families, the stress and strain from the festive period may have taken its toll into the new year leading to a relationship breakdown or divorce.

Dealing with the emotional fall out from a separation or divorce can be challenging for both parties.  Many people struggle to cope with the emotions or recognise the cycle of emotions that they are going through.   Research shows that there is a pattern to any separation cycle which has the following stages: Anxiety; Guilt; Anger; Grief and Acceptance.   One of the key ways to achieve a non acrimonious divorce or separation lies in understanding that cycle and each stage.   That is easier said than done of course as two parties may be at different stages of that cycle and struggle to face the consequences of separation long before they can reach the final stage of acceptance.

Recognising and understanding the emotions you both experience during the stages of separation can help you focus on what is important and to avoid a situation where decisions can be based on emotions which affect you and your family.

Understanding Emotions in Separation

If you are going through a separation right now or if you are thinking about it, then some of the following may be helpful to reveal where you are in the cycle:

New Year resolutions concept with notepad and gift boxes on white background. Top view from above. Flat lay

Anxiety: “what will I do for the children and I? What about the house? Where do I start?”

Try and plan to get the right outcome for you and your children at an early stage.  Some people feel guilty about seeking legal advice before a relationship comes to an end but knowing where you could stand legally right at the start can give you a greater understanding of the issues and help you plan.   Seeking help through Solicitors or other forms of resolution should help to deal with the feeling of anxiety.  There is nothing to be worried about in taking that step to seek advice.

Guilt “Why me? Have I done something wrong?”

It is natural to feel like this.  When separation is inevitable most people will ask these questions over and over again and disbelief can lead of confusion and upset or a refusal to engage in the practical process, making the whole separation much harder for you and your family.

Anger “I have done nothing wrong.  This is not MY fault”

Solicitors and good legal advice will help you to understand this process and will provide you with options.   If you are at the anger stage you may want to “dig in” and fight your corner.   This is not always the right approach to take and Solicitors can advise you on what to expect from your separation.

Grief “I am losing everything, I cant cope”

A divorce or separation is similar to bereavement and is stressful and upsetting.  It is important to focus on the future and get the emotional support you require.  Family Solicitors can provide you with practical advice or refer you to other professionals who can help.

Recovery “I am ok!”

Of course there are no winners in a painful divorce but there is such a good thing as a “good divorce” as opposed to a bad one.   We will encourage you to think to the future and engage in the process  in a pragmatic and practical way to ensure you come out the other side.

For free initial advice please contact Sarah Watts – tel 01252 713242 email: or download our free ‘understanding divorce’ guide here