Navigating plans for the festive period can be very tricky after divorce, particularly where there are children. It is best to start the planning and discussions well before the holiday season to iron out any disputes and manage the children’s expectations. Committing it to writing might also be a good idea, to prevent any confusion or ambiguity later down the line.
There is no right formula for sharing time with the children over the festive season, particularly Christmas day. Although only one day, when and where a child spends Christmas day can be an extremely emotive issue and it can be difficult to be able to spend it together. Some families choose to have 2 separate Christmas days, others may divide the day in half so that the children spend Christmas Eve and half of Christmas day with one parent and with the other parent the afternoon of Christmas day and Boxing day. Indeed parents can alternate each year so that the parent who does not have the children this year, will have the children for Christmas day next year. Some parents have family abroad or are used to spending time on overseas holidays over the Christmas period in which case the practical logistics may be altogether different, with the children spending the whole of Christmas week, or longer with a parent. In some situations, the family have different traditions such that they celebrate on Christmas Eve, rather than Christmas day if they are from Central Europe in which case 24 and not 25 December 2024 is the key day.
When making plans, these must be child-centric – much as it may be the temptation to control the itinerary on the day. It is worth being mindful of the children and focusing on what they want to do. It may as such, not be a happy day for the children when having just unwrapped their presents, they are then shuttled to the other parent’s home, no doubt having to abandon those gifts just opened until next time. It is also to be considered that as children get older they will have a specific view on how they wish to spend the day and will vote with their feet, whatever plan you may have for them.
When thinking about the arrangements and what will best work for the children, consider the following:
- The travel time between parents and wider family members. Are the parents spending time with their extended family so that that journey time needs to be factored into the contact arrangements for the children
- Remember Christmas is just one day and there are the other two weeks when both parents can spend quality meaningful time with the children.
- It may be necessary to check with one another what each of you have purchased for the children, so as to allow for comparable budgets and don’t be tempted to out do one another.
- If the children are not going to see both parents personally on Christmas day, consider other options such as face time, zoom etc. so that they can, at the very least wish both parents Happy Christmas and speak to them on this special day.
It may well be the first Christmas that the children have spent separately with their parents and so it is important to ensure that the day is kept as stress-free and joyful as possible. Children can sense tension or when things are not right even if parents feel that they are hiding any stresses or anxiety.
If you cannot agree the arrangements in advance, then it may well be worth attending mediation to consider the arrangements in the hope that some compromise can be reached. This is a preferable alternative to a pre-Christmas application to the Court for a “Christmas contact Order”, which will no doubt please no one, being an arrangement that is imposed on the parents, by the Judge. If however, you do need to make an application you will need to take legal advice early as the Family Courts are very busy particularly in the lead up to Christmas and a Court is most unlikely to be able to assist on a last minute application.